varn.dev

I was out of town this past weekend, for a celebration of life for my grandmother who passed away back in mid July. I grew up in Tallahassee, FL which is where she was when she passed, so it was a quick weekend trip of arriving late Friday night and getting back home mid afternoon yesterday.

At the celebration of life, my grandmother had asked that her four grandsons would speak. Two of my cousins were not able to attend, so my Uncle read their prepared remarks for them, and then my brother spoke and then I did. I’ve never had to deliver a eulogy before, and despite all of my experiences as a writer, this one was tough.

Eulogies occupy a weird space I think - you want to say nice things, but of course no one is ever perfect in their life. The goal is to share good memories and celebrate the person, but it’s hard to sometimes look past their relationships with other people. And with my grandmother there was a lot of complications with other family members. So I did the best I could, touching on the good and ignoring the bad, getting teared up more than I expected and apparently I did a good job because people complimented me afterwards.

But I’d like to think that when my time comes, if there is a eulogy or celebration of life, that people can be honest and not overlook my imperfections (the ones that we all have) and can at least acknowledge them because those imperfections are what make our relationships all the more human.

I’m glad that there were so many people for the celebration of life, and glad I was able to spend time with my family and be there for my mom and other family members, but I’m not looking forward to having to do any other eulogies any time soon.