varn.dev

The always amazing Aubrey posted yesterday about not using her blog for primarily tech things, and the larger point of having hobbies away from the computer. I can really identify with this because, after almost 30 years as a developer, the idea of sitting down at the computer for “fun” is just…not that appealing anymore.

Aubrey says that she feels pressure to make her blog about tech things, all the cool stuff she is building outside of work, etc. And that pressure is real if you are in any social media space or interact with other developers. The place that I work, Lullabot, is filled with some amazingly talented people who all share a genuine curiosity about the world and that makes it a great place to work, most of the time. But with the rise of AI into literally everything, those genuinely curious folks seem to be posting more about “Look what I made the LLM do for me!” and less about “Look at this cool trail I discovered when on a hike”. I won’t get into the (many, many) qualms I have about AI, but I think that when all of your peers are posting these “neat” side projects that inevitably consumed a weekend or two, and that’s not your jam, I think it’s human nature to feel “less than” because you aren’t doing it too. We see it time and time again in tech, an unspoken pressure to be sharing and showing off what you’ve figured out to do.

And that can be great - I can’t count how many new techniques or ideas I’ve learned from the things I’ve come across on my social media feeds over the years - and how that has inspired me to try new stuff and get better. But I think there is a fine line between running with an idea and making your primary interests “playing on the computer”.

After hustling for 11 years to keep my business afloat, I had many days where I was glued to the computer just because stuff had to be done. It’s one thing to be doing it for money, to make sure you can feed your kids, but the drawback is that it sucks away your energy, your creativity and your passion and you just have zero desire to experiment, zero desire to learn and most of all zero desire to sit in that chair any longer than you have to. If loving what you do means you never work a day in your life, then the opposite of that is that your life becomes work because you love what you do.

At this point in my life, I’m beyond that. I love being a front end developer and writing code, but it doesn’t define me and it isn’t something that I enjoy doing outside of work. Full stop. I recently finished the last season of The Bear and a big take away I got from that (and the whole series) is just because you’re really good at doing something, doesn’t mean that that is who you are. And if not wanting to start or maintain multiple side projects makes me less than my peers, well I think I’m ok with that.

Sure, I’ll have some insecurities and doubts and imposter syndrome at times, but the days that I can step away from my desk, eat dinner with my kids and hear about their day - those are the best days. And I’d rather spend my weekends watching football (both kinds), taking care of my yard and enjoying the two seasons of Florida (summer and Christmas) than toiling away at some code.

And though this blog does have some tech related posts on it, those came and were posted when I had a eureka moment or just a neat thing I wanted to share. More importantly though, those posts came from moments away from my desk, when true creativity or ideas sprang forth naturally, rather than trying to keep up with others or trying to showcase what I can do, and to me those always feel more genuine than performative programming ever will.

Maybe in my 40s I just lean more into the “life” side of “work/life balance” and to me, and hopefully you, that’s an ok place to be.

(PS - I’m not a fan of the title of this post, but it felt like it fit, so forgive the trope)